confession

i am shy and hate large crowds, and if i ever convince you otherwise i am lying and full of crap -- but perhaps a good liar if you believed me.

in ten minutes, i have to leave to got to a wedding. shouldn't be a big deal. its not my wedding. if that were the case, i might be justified in having some sweaty palms. but no. a girl i work with is getting married, and i am sitting here wasting my last few moments confessing that i would rather replace the dress that i am wearing with a pair of jeans and white t-shirt/sweatshirt, grap a blanket and a cup of coffee and curl up on the couch with a book or a movie. what is wrong with me? its true. i am sure someone out there has some degree in psychology or took a few classes and feel right now all of these answers coming to his/her head about what is really wrong with me -- anxiety, yes. introversion? yes. all i keep thinking is "go to this wedding. you can always have an escape plan to leave after and avoid the reception." seriously. i am not crazy, and i like weddings. i think. i have been in enough of them. haven't planned one yet. my family is going to kill me one day when i offer the suggestion to fly to mexico and get married privately on the beach.

i am sure i will survive. i am 25 y/o and stupid, i know. i don't like large crowds. don't really like "events" and all of the smiles and reunions that go with them. and i really want to like heels. they are classy. but... sorry. feel awkward in my new dress (which is a cool banana republic wrap) and new heels. argh. i will dream of my cup of coffee...it awaits me.