beauty and the beast

awkward. that's me. in most and every situation, if i am not directly and openly awkward, it is because somehow i fooled ya. no really, i am laughing at myself right now, but take that thought and just pair it up with the fact that i went to see beauty and the beast in fort wayne with a rather large man sitting to my left, who slightly spilled into my seat, and a much smaller, and nicer smelling guy, who i vagely knew from Tanya and Korban's wedding on my right. the large man on the left was a random placement of fate, the guy on the right, another random placement by (tanya? or korban?) or something like that, maybe. actually tanya and korban had two free tickets to saturday nite's beauty and the beast. this was swaying material for choosing this particular weekend to quick-drive to fort wayne. and, on my way up, i was informed that i wouldn't be sitting alone -- something i have become increasingly comfortable with -- and would probably prefer as to sitting with someone i don't know. okay, i am not saying that i didn't appreciate the gesture, but if it was done out of feeling sorry for me, i could've done without. either way, i was surprised. i sat next to someone who was gracious to leave his friends and sit next to a girl he didn't know. i left that night thinking, "i need to get me one of those." :) i have forgotten how nice it is to have someone just sitting next to you. funny thing is, for a second i wanted to pretend that he chose to sit next to me. who else in the auditorium would know that i came alone? there was a girl with black pants and heels, hair pulled up, sitting next to a boy with close-cut, curly hair, dark tweed jacket over a t-shirt. but when he walked out the door without saying goodbye, i remembered. it really was just me sitting there. like the times before.

and a second thought: not that he would ever have any opportunity to run across this, so i say this for myself, i guess. but, thank you. i said that i didn't want anyone to feel obligated. who wants to be treated nicely because someone feels sorry for them -- or thinks that they NEED something. well, i feel about one-inch tall, 'cause i have created this world and this life where i don't think i need a guy, even as a friend or companion. but i think i needed that. bet you didn't think you did anything but sit and laugh with me, but surprise -- you did. thank you, josh.

okay. for those of you who haven't seen tanya in a while, she walked out on stage and i about lost it. but i couldn't lose it, because "this guy" was sitting next to me and i felt like i needed to hold it together. but if he hadn't been there, i most definitely would not have held back. she is adorably pregnant. ... oh, and lest i forget to laugh with you -- korban had a mullet. :) i don't think it was possible to see a better portrayal of Gaston. Great job Korban!

i have so many thoughts tonight. (i think that has been a theme lately). and actually i have so much to get done tonight, and i haven't even started. i am sitting on the third floor of davenport hall. the building is empty (or so i hope.) i am drinking a cup of coffee and avoiding my case study. time is running out though. classes start in two weeks and the case study is due the first day of classes. ahh. the joys of school. i am kinda jealous 'cause it seems like i am the only one plugging along. still buying books. still living this pseudo-real life. i haven't gotten to any point yet, but, really, i am stopping 'cause i really need to do some work. i'll finish these thoughts soon.